Time Will Tell
by Terri1
Summary: Follow-up to Syl's "Goodbye, Hello" story - how do Dick and Barbara deal with the situation?


Disclaimer: All characters contained herein are the property of DC Comics and I lay no claim to them nor do I make money off writing about them. This is all in good fun, no profit :) 

Author's Note: Syl was recently challenged to continue her "Goodbye, Hello" story with the breakfast conversations of at least one of the couples in question. If you haven't read this story, you should. It's quite good :) After speaking with Syl about it, I'm going to take up that challenge instead. ;) She seems to like my take on Dick and Babs, so here goes ;) 

Time Will Tell by Terri Hayes 

Trust was so fragile. So easily shattered. How could she have been so wrong about him? She was TRYING to be noble, TRYING to let him back up from his declarations in the elevator shaft and her apartment. TRYING to... put some distance between them again. Barbara had no choice but to face that unpleasant, hurtful truth. 

She kept trying to justify what she said New Year's Eve. She'd told him that night that she was okay and didn't need him to be there, but that the Huntress could probably use the company. She really thought she was trying to be nice, the woman did help save their behinds. But the truth was that she'd been afraid that she, in her wheelchair, wouldn't measure up. That Dick was only there out of pity and some sense of obligation because in the heat of the moment, he'd said things he didn't mean. And considering he'd KISSED the Huntress at the first opportunity, what else was she to think?! 

She'd been right to send him to the Huntress on New Year's Eve, she thought morosely. Better he find out now, rather than later, that he was mistaken in his feelings and declarations. He couldn't be held to them now. 

So why was it killing her? Why did she want nothing more than to curl up into a tiny ball and sob until she melted away in a puddle of her own tears? Why was she now finding herself doing just that? God, it hurt... 

The computer chimed. Barbara had no idea how long she'd lain with her arms on the computer table, her head pillowed in them, crying. It must have been a while, she thought hazily. She'd continued to lay there quietly long after the tears finally petered out. She sat up quickly and reached for her headset, not activating the visual when she realized it was Nightwing's com signal. 

"Oracle, here." Her computer modulated voice was cold and impersonal, though her eyes drifted toward the breaking dawn with a forlorn expression in them. 

"Nightwing here." He paused. She could hear him draw in a deep breath. "How about some breakfast? We need to talk." 

He sounded nervous, she reflected. And he should be. She hesitated before answering, silently thanking her stars that she had the voice modulator on. "We don't have much to say, Nightwing. You've made your position pretty clear." There was that lump in her throat again. 

There was a disgusted sound from the other end of the headset. "No, I haven't. And you haven't either. B... Oracle, please?" His tone softened appreciably. "I need us to talk this out." 

Barbara's eyes closed. How many more times was she supposed to let him rip her heart out? "All right. I'll be here." Her eyes popped open. That wasn't what she'd meant to say! Where did that come from? 

Nightwing sounded relieved. "I'll be there soon. Nightwing out." And then he was gone. 

"Wait...!" Too late. Where had her voice gone!? UGH! Now he was going to be here soon. 

* * * * * * 

Nightwing clicked off his comlink, and then sagged against a gargoyle. He was perched atop St. Mark's cathedral, and had a good view of the city from here. He hadn't been certain she'd see him... actually, he had been pretty certain she WOULDN'T see him. So when she agreed, he was shocked. And relieved. And got off the link quick so she couldn't change her mind. 

As he readied a jumpline to carry him back toward where he parked his car and hid his clothes, he wondered how to bring up this subject. He'd let her do it again. He knew how vulnerable she was and how afraid. When she'd wheeled to him at the New Year's Eve party, he could tell in her eyes what she was doing. Chasing him away. 

Oh, she said she wanted him to find closure with Helena. She *said* she thought they were moving a little fast, and she would 'understand' if he wanted to spend New Year's Eve with her in the makeshift hospital. He'd even protested to Barbara that he wanted to spend it with her! But she politely smiled at him and said that she would be spending it with her father, in light of Sarah's death, and that she thought they owed it to Helena to at least wish her a Happy New Year. 

Barbara had pushed every button he had to get him to leave. She'd made him feel like she wanted nothing to do with him. When he'd done what she said she wanted, well... so okay. He shouldn't have kissed Helena. But it hadn't been a passionate "I love you" kiss. It was just a New Year's kiss! The kind that two sort-of friends share. And... a goodbye, maybe. But how could he make Barbara understand? Donna had understood, even when he couldn't verbalize any of it. 

Dick clambered into his street clothes and headed for his car. He had something special in mind for breakfast... and on the way to get it, he had to figure out what to say about Donna, if anything. 

* * * * * * 

When the buzzer at her door rang, Barbara cautiously checked the monitors before opening the door. Even now, you couldn't be too careful. The sight of Dick Grayson carrying a large box was enough to send her heart aching again. It took her several moments to decide to actually open the door. 

"Hello, Dick." 

Dick watched her defenses snap into place. The wall that he was so familiar with came down to cover her pain, to keep her separated from him and everyone around her. "Hi, Babs..." He started to lean down to kiss her cheek and stopped himself. She wouldn't welcome such a move. Instead, he entered her apartment and set the box on her dining room table while she closed the door and locked it. 

Unable to contain her curiousity, Barbara studied the cardboard box. Ruefully, she told him, "If you brought three pizzas in that box, take 'em back." 

Dick's smile as he turned his bright blue eyes on her was brilliant. "Nah... better." He winked. "Alfred sent French toast." 

Her eyes widened. "You're kidding!" Oh... ! Alfred's French toast had just the right touch of vanilla and cinnamon to make her mouth water. Watching him closely, Barbara could smell the delicate aroma of breakfast as he put it into her oven to warm properly. When he turned to face her, she was still wary but said, "Make yourself comfortable. It's the least I can do since you brought such a wonderful surprise." 

Dick moved to pull out a dining room chair, and sighed. How to broach this... neither one of them were very good at actually talking things out. After all, look who Dick was raised by! And Barbara had her own brand of reticence. 

"I asked you to see me for breakfast because I wanted to work things out, Barbara. I made a mistake, but it wasn't a catastrophic one, I hope." 

Barbara leaned back in her chair. "You followed your heart, Dick. I can't fault you for that. So there's nothing to work out, everything is okay with us." 

Yeah... right. Everything is so okay that you don't talk to me in the evenings anymore. Everything is so okay that Bruce actually asked me if something was wrong with you because you were being unusually terse. Everything is *so* okay that my stomach turns in knots whenever I think of your expression. I knew this wouldn't be easy... 

"Barbara, I stayed here with you for days. We said things that... gave me hope. Was it all a lie?" Dick couldn't hide a wistful note in his voice. 

Barbara was incensed by his presumption, and it showed as her coppery brows drew into a tight frown while she blasted him. "Apparently, it was. You're the one who went from there to kissing the Huntress again. Not one week after you kissed me! I'm not the one who lied here, Dick. I'm not the one sending out mixed signals!" 

Barbara lashed out, not even giving Dick a chance to begin his 'explanations.' As far as she was concerned, he blew it. She'd been expecting it to go south anyway, she just hadn't expected it to hurt so much. But she wasn't about to let him see it. 

Her immediate attack put him on the defensive instantly. Dick practically sprang out of his chair, angry and appalled. "Oh, that's good Barbara. That's just priceless! Do you want to talk about mixed signals? How about what happened between us on the trapeze setup, and then you just leaving? How about kissing me here in your apartment like you loved me, and then telling me on New Year's Eve - New Year's Eve 2000 no less, something that will never happen again! - that I should go and leave you alone?! Go to the Huntress, you told me! Well... I did! Because at least she was happy to see me! You came across that ballroom and you as good as told me that you had no interest in continuing what was happening, you couldn't WAIT to get me out of there fast enough!" 

Barbara looked surprised at what she saw as his temerity. "What are you *talking* about," she demanded. "I just wanted you to have time to THINK about it, Dick! We said a lot of things when you were hurt so badly you might not have recovered. People say all kinds of things under that kind of tension! I wasn't going to hold you to that! But I didn't expect you to go see her and KISS her! I just thought we owed it to her to not leave her alone in a hospital bed on New Year's Eve because in the end she saved us!" 

Dick threw up his hands. They were doing it again! *Why* couldn't they ever connect?? Just ONCE, he wanted them to connect and be on the same wavelength! Her reasons *sounded* rational, but he knew better. He knew she'd set out to force him away. She was feeling afraid after the intimacy of his presence at her apartment in the last days of No Man's Land. The Huntress's barbs as she and Pettit attacked had hit home. 

Barbara's ascerbic tongue took over again, and she asked in a spiteful tone, "Coming back to the second string again, Dick? Feeling a bit guilty, are you?" 

Dick sighed inwardly. Her insecurities and his hesitance to force her into a confrontation had driven them apart for so long. He wasn't about to let them do it again. It was all or nothing this time. He moved to sit directly across from her. 

"Barbara... I can't even fully explain to myself why I kissed her. Why I feel things for her. But I'm going to try, for us, to put it into words. They may not be the most adequate words, but I'll try, okay?" He paused there, gathering his thoughts while Barbara crossed her arms mockingly. 

Oh, this was going to suck bad. He *hated* talking about his feelings. He'd rather drive nails through his eyes. But okay... this was what Barbara needed from him, and this was what he'd do for her. For them. 

"She fights so hard for Batman's approval, Babs, that I find myself easily in her shoes. He constantly denies her, because of her methods. And he's right... her methods are not the right ones. But they do work. The harder she fights for his recognition, the more of myself I see in her." Dick paused, trying to find the right words. "And in some ways..." He looked up, catching Barbara's eyes as he continued, "The more of *you* I see in her." 

Dick held up his hand to forestall the hot words he could already see bubbling like lava on Barbara's lips. "Hear me out." 

Barbara bit her tongue forcibly, looking all the more incensed. 

"She came on the scene in *his* town, Barbara, without *his* permission. Remind you of anyone else you know? She kicked butt and took names, and she didn't care whether anyone WANTED her on the streets of Gotham. People needed her. And although her methods are not something I agree with in any regard, I also can't disregard that people do look up to her. She gives it her all, whether she's in the right or the wrong. She pushes the envelope, and she fights as well as anyone I've ever worked with. But the part that draws me... is the part that's lonely. The part that wants *him* to recognize what she's doing... that wants to belong to the 'club'." Dick's tone became rueful. "Like you, she figures if she can't join the 'club', she may as well flaunt that she's doing the same things without its sanction. Without *his* sanction." 

Barbara's rage boiled inside her. How DARE Dick sit there and compare her and the Huntress?? How DARE he toss out these similarities like they MEANT anything?? Infuriated beyond bearing by the gentleness of his tone of voice and the wry admiration, Barbara's temper erupted into a cold anger. 

"Oh, I see! So you went to her because she's the BETTER version of me, right? Batgirl doesn't fly anymore under the old mantle, she's lost her legs, so wow! A woman with fighting skills and brains, and any excuse to take her to bed will do, right? And it's a bonus that she's held the mantle of the Bat, how ever temporarily, because she fulfills one of your teenage fantasies of taking Batgirl to bed, right? The women inside the costume are interchangeable, no problem! Well, fine, then! If that's what you want from your relationships, you go right ahead, Dick!" 

Barbara swiveled her chair away from Dick's seat, shaking visibly with rage. Or was it pain? Even Barbara couldn't tell the difference. 

Dick was stunned. What the *HELL* was *that* all about?! He railed back at her. "First you push me away, now you're upset that someone else reminds me of you?! You can't possibly believe anything that you just said to me, Barbara Gordon. If all I wanted was a roll in the hay, I could find that any day of the damn week as Dick Grayson! I want companionship! Friendship! Someone who understands what my life is like! Like you do. Like the Huntress and Donna do." 

Dick's anger escalated. How dare Barbara sit in judgement of his life?! She was making it sound like she'd been sitting around just waiting for him to notice her, and that's not how it was at all! He blew up. "How can you actually open your mouth and say ANY of that honestly? So yeah, maybe Batgirl was a teenaged fantasy of mine! But that's because that's all she COULD have been! I was a kid and you weren't, Babs, and for a lot of years, I held every girl I wanted to date up against you in comparison. You were the perfect woman! Most of them failed to live up to your image, but I didn't quit trying. I used to *hate* the men you dated." Dick sounded almost vicious. 

"You'd come back from school and you'd have one of those jerks at your house, dropping you off for a date. Or else you'd come on 'duty' and have this glow about you... I just KNEW you had taken one of those idiots to bed, Barbara, and I wanted to pound that guy into the ground. You used to flaunt it, too. It took me years to figure out that you knew about my crush and were doing everything in your power to keep it from getting worse! Finally, we got to be friends." 

Pausing, Dick gathered his thoughts. "After your shooting, I knew it was hard for you and I wanted to comfort you and kill the Joker. That's when I realized it had grown into something much more." He looked at Barbara with serious blue eyes, his tone now sad. "But you keep blowing hot and cold like a faucet. Do you even *know* what you want from a relationship?? At least when Donna and I realized there was some kind of attraction between us, we *acted* on it instead of playing these head games with one another." 

It was Barbara's turn to be stunned. This time, into silence. Dick and... Donna? All she could do was stare at the wall. She couldn't tell him that even at 15, his potential had literally glowed from him. She'd seen in him back then the man he'd later become... and there had been a wistful wish that he was older or she was younger, but she'd hidden her feelings. She was no innocent certainly, and dated a lot of men. Even thought she'd loved some of them. If the image of Dick and the Huntress together made her seethe, the image of Dick and Donna stopped her cold. Because.... they fit. They made sense. They'd been friends forever. 

For a long moment, she couldn't say anything at all. Her heart was too busy shattering under the impact of that image. She'd thought she wanted distance... but God, he hadn't even TRIED to repair things. Instead, he'd run off and gone to bed with Donna Troy. 

Very quietly, without turning around, Barbara spoke in an icy tone. "Get out." 

Dick wasn't even sure he heard the words right. "What?" 

"I said, get out." Barbara's voice never rose above a low murmur. 

"Barbara!" Dick was flabbergasted. He'd just opened his heart to the woman he'd loved most of his life, and she'd told him to get out! He didn't get it! How could it have gone so wrong? He didn't move, staring at her back. What did he say? 

Barbara turned on him, her green eyes diamond bright. "I *said*, GET OUT. Right now, Dick. My God... you know, I thought I'd seen it all with you. In the past couple of years, you have had girlfriend after girlfriend, and even been engaged twice. And through it all, I've been there for you. I've been a friend, an ear, a chess partner, ... you take everything about me for granted! I've nursed your heart through Starfire, been your sounding board over the fiasco with the Huntress, listened through any number of relationships including Clancy and you STILL don't have any clue how I feel!" She threw her hands up, exaggerating wildly. "Let's flirt with Babs on the computer when you don't have another girlfriend, it's great for her! Tell her your secrets, make her feel important! Keeps her coming back for more, right? 

"Well, no more, buster! Does it not occur to you after all this time that I *do not* want to hear about your exploits?? I might have to live vicariously in some ways, but I won't listen to your woes about women anymore! From now on, if you want this friendship intact, you'll never, ever talk to me about your relationships again!" Barbara's voice trailed off and she turned her back. God... how *could* he? She wanted to curl up and die, it hurt so badly. In the same icy tone that she'd initially told him to 'get out' in, she finished. "You know where the door is." 

Dick was at a complete loss. After the tirade, he realized what he'd said. Too late. But *GOD!* she made him so mad!! Dick's voice got quiet, though his anger didn't abate. "Fine, Barbara. You know... it doesn't matter anymore. It's very convenient that you're forgetting your own relationships. John Marcus, that stockbroker from Jordan Haller and Associates? Mike Stone, the ball player? What about Miguel Martinez, from school? When I was engaged to Kory, you were engaged to Jason Bard! Who, _by the way_, stopped by here pretty recently while I was fixing things in your apartment. So if you're so upset about what's going on with you and me, where does your ex-fiance fit into the picture? Or is all this just a set-up so that you don't have to let me get any closer to you than I already have? Pulling out the big guns for shields, Babs?" His tone was almost jeering as he went on, goading her. 

"It's very clear to me what you're doing, even if you're not going to admit it. In the past couple months, we've gotten too close, and you're scared. You're so scared, you want to run and hide. The Batgirl I used to know wasn't afraid of anything... she would have had faith in me. More importantly, she would have had faith in herself. But the Joker didn't just take a chunk out of your spine physically, did he, Babs? He took it metaphorically too. He shattered your courage, your trust, and your ability to love. I don't even know you anymore, Barbara." 

Knowing what she was doing was not the issue for Dick. And nothing but a knock-dow, drag-out fight was going to fix the problem. She *had* to come out of that shell, or they didn't stand a chance, ever. He didn't want to walk out on her like this, but he would if that's what it was going to take to make her see just how unfair this whole situation was to both of them. 

While he watched, Barbara's shoulders ever so slightly began to shake. He began to move toward her, then aborted the move. And then completed it, putting his hands on her shoulders. Ignoring the instant stiffening under his palms, Dick started talking. Very quietly, laying all his cards on the table. He had nothing left to lose... this was it. 

"Barbara Gordon, you listen to me right now like you've never listened to me before in your life... because I don't know if I'll ever be able to say it again." Dick moved to kneel in front of her wheelchair, now able to see the tears that were beginning to streak her face. Tears that she tried to hide by pushing her chair backward away from him, but tears that he wouldn't let her hide. He held her wheelchair tightly, using his strength to immobilize her and make her listen. 

"I fell in love with you when I was little more than a child, and I *never* stopped. Not through Kory, not through any of my myriad dates, not through the Huntress... and not through Donna. When you sent me away New Year's Eve, I was confused and angry and lonely. My kiss with the Huntress was... a good-bye, of sorts. I still feel things for her, I can't stop that. Affection, admiration. But not love. And then I came to you, to tell you that I made that mistake because I wanted to be honest with you about everything, like I always have been. And you turned me away *again*. You use every excuse you can find to put distance between us. For every step we take forward, we take three backward." 

Dick paused, searching for words, his hands gentle as they reached to clasp around her cold hands. Interestingly, she hadn't shoved him away yet. She wasn't looking at him and her profile seemed cold and distant, but he got the impression that she was listening, so he forced out the words. "God, I was so hurt, Babs. It seemed like I'd loved you forever, and that I was always on the outside looking in. I know that you're scared of trusting me, and I know that you don't want to be hurt. I seem to keep hurting you, too. And in return, you hurt me back." 

When she didn't respond, Dick began the last part of the story. "When I left you the last time we argued, I ran into Donna. She'd just had a fight with Roy, and it was tearing her apart. We started.... well, seeing one another." He paused, his voice quiet and getting more sure and strong by the moment. "There was something wrong, though. Neither one of us was willing to tell anyone, Barbara. A relationship doesn't work if you're ashamed of it. I couldn't figure out why it didn't feel right because I do love her." 

Barbara was finally forced to react, a strangled sob coming from her as she tried to pull away from Dick's hands. She wanted to scream at him, to tell him to shut up... to blister him with words, telling him that he'd made her feel more like a cripple than anyone ever had by stopping her chair that way. But it wouldn't be true, and she couldn't force the hateful, spiteful words from her mouth. *WHY* was he telling her all this?? She didn't want to hear it! It was tearing her heart right out through her ribcage. 

Dick, still on his knees in front of her, reached for her cheek to turn her eyes to his own. "But I'm not *in love with her*, Barbara. She's a beautiful, wonderful woman. And maybe I'm a fool. Because I love her like a sister, and fraternal is the LAST way that I would describe my feelings for you. They are like a tornado, tossing me all around until I'm dizzy and don't know what I'm doing. I love that feeling, and I want to see where it takes us. But..." 

He stopped and studied her face carefully, completing the thought. "But you have to stop pushing me away all the time. I don't want you to always feel you have to test me, because I don't read those signals very well. And it hurts both of us. I just want you to be straight with me. No matter what. We either love together, or we don't love." 

His voice finally stopped, and Barbara reached up a trembling hand to wipe ineffectually at her tears. She didn't know what to say. Her feelings were so complicated. And he was right... she *had* been testing him, though she didn't really realize it. But could she stop? She didn't know. 

Barbara finally nodded, and whispered quietly, "I.. I want that too, Dick. It hurts, though, when you tell me about all your lady friends. I'm not the only one giving mixed signals, you know." She tried to smile a little for him. "I'm scared, Dick. What if it doesn't work? I don't want to lose your friendship because it doesn't work out. I don't want it to be ugly between us. I don't want you to regret that you chose this relationship over someone whole and healthy." 

Leaning forward to brush a soft kiss against her mouth, Dick's response was a soft whisper. "I can't promise you we're going to work, Babs. We don't get promises like that in this life." He pulled back to meet her eyes sadly. "If we did, Sarah would still be here, you know? Bad things sometimes happen. People sometimes don't stay together. I can only promise you that I'm willing to try, if you are. This..." He bounced his hand on the wheelchair, "... this means nothing, not in terms of what we feel." 

With a quiet sigh, Barbara returned the soft kiss. It didn't stop the ache in her heart over Donna and the Huntress.. could she live with it? She was so tired of fighting what she felt, but she wasn't ready to commit to Dick Grayson for life either. She swallowed hard. "I need a little time, Dick... I can't say that what's happened doesn't mean anything, because it does. I just need to think a little." 

Dick nodded slowly and drew gently away from her. He'd done everything he could, and maybe they'd cleared the air today. With a gentle half-smile, Dick stood up. "I believe that I put breakfast in the oven for one of my best friends. And Alfred would never forgive me if I let it overcook and spoil." 

As he moved away, Barbara watched him with a tiny smile quirking the corner of her lips. Whatever came, she didn't want to lose this man's friendship. Her feelings about what was said today were too chaotic to deal with right now... but she was grateful for his gesture. By backing away and giving her space, he was showing her that it mattered to him. What came next, only time would tell. 


End file.
